With God life has no limits, because death has no victory.



Sunday, June 19, 2011

Life at Home, Part 1

Some things never change. Dad still insists on picking on me at every available opportunity. Sam still claims the couch that belongs to me. Folks, it is mine, Dad gave it to me before he gave it to Sam. Nate still works his butt off, Ben is still married to his car, Rosie still chats your ear off, Aaron is still fishing.

However, some things do change. For instance, Mom has a new hobby: mastering the art of french kissing, er...I mean cooking. French cooking. There is some confusion due to that fact that Sam changed the title on her cookbook. Carrie also has a new hobby: throwing food. I discovered this first hand by being beaned with a cherry tomato.

On the first Saturday that I was home, I went to the community Safety Day. It's basically this event hosted by the fire company where people can bring their kids to learn about the ambulance, fire company, police, 911, and other things having to do with not dying. Then, in the afternoon, there is a live accident scene demonstration. Last year at this event, they tipped an 18-wheeler onto a pick-up truck & I volunteered to be the dying, screaming person in the pickup. My mom played the hysterical mother and kept the firemen rather busy trying to keep her out of the way. I pretty much just layed there, covered  in fake blood, and alternated between all-out screaming & moaning random stuff at the unfortunate fireman who got sent in the truck to hold c-spine. They cut me out with the jaws of life, boarded & loaded me into the ambulance, where the EMT told me I had quite proven my lung capacity & should shut up now.

Anyways, this year we had a lovely wrecked Jetta & an overturned pickup, along with several more live victims. I was to be the one who was ejected from the pickup & landed on the hood of the Jetta, which I thought was just splendid. However...it so happened that it was raining, and the event coordinators canceled the demonstration. I decided to inform them that I was willing to lay out & scream my head off despite the rain. All the tough firemen really didn't want to get wet, but refusing would have severely damaged their macho-ness, seeing as none of them would be as wet as me, so they agreed to go ahead & do it. Upon appearing on scene, the fireman's first question was "Are you wet enough yet?" to which I replied, "AAAHHHH!!! My leg freakin' HURTS!!!!"

At one point, they tried to figure out how oriented I was by asking random questions.
"Do you know what day it is?"
"Um....Friday."
"Who's the president?"
"AAAHHH! I hate the president!!!"
"Ok, let's not talk about that. I will give you a number to remember for when I ask you later. I want you to remember the number ten."
"AAAHHH!!! I hate that number!!!"
"Why?"
"Because that's how old my brother is!"
"Oh, I would hate it too in that case."

Obnoxious of me, I know. But, hey, I was just playing my part, and they had me boarded & loaded in record time so they could focus their attention on cutting out the quiet, polite, cooperative victims.

The next day it was still rather cold, though it quit raining. Sam came home from his night at work and announced to me that he drove over the river and noticed that it was...well, rather swollen. Flood stage, actually. Now, I am aware that everyone in the world would draw the obvious conclusion that we did: Time to go canoeing! Sam is amazing in a canoe and he & I have wanted to canoe the river at flood stage for some time, so it was the perfect opportunity.

We loaded up & drove to the exiting point to drop off a vehicle. This is where I got my first glimpse of the river. It had overflowed it's banks & looked rather like chocolate milk. Yep. I believe this was when the adrenaline high kicked in, and Sam & I became prime candidates for Adrenaline Junkies Anonymous. Except that there is no such thing because nobody ever wants to be cured. Anyways, somehow Sam struck up a conversation with an older, wiser-looking dude who was strolling the banks. Upon hearing that we were going to float it, he declared that it was perfect for that. See, we got a second opinion. Never mind that he was a rafter, had never been in a canoe & did not know that's what we were going to float in.

 We drove upstream & managed to get the canoe afloat despite the fast water & all the trees in the river that had previously been next to the river. Once on the water, we pretty much just spent all our time steering, and talking about how fast we were going; we were covering ground at record speed without paddling. We also discussed our upcoming death at the bridge & again at the big rapids, and about whether or not we would be able to actually beach the canoe at the exit spot, or if we would just continue all the way to the Atlantic Ocean. Oh, and we also did a lot of hooping & hollering. We managed to keep the canoe in an upright position & maneuver around all the obstacles up to the point of the bridge. This bridge is a railroad bridge that crosses the river. There are stone pillars which the water flows between, but you have to be careful because only a couple are passable. Also, once you get through, there is a couple-foot drop that needs to be negotiated. As we approached, we noticed much to our delight the presence of about 50 people out for a Sunday stroll, who just so happened to be on the bridge. Of course, they were all gathering, cameras in hand to witness the death of the insane people in the canoe. We did more hooping & hollering & I knelt down, mostly to lower the center of gravity, but I also might have been praying. We made it through the bridge with out incident & our audience gave us an applause, but in no time flat we around the next bend. Unfortunately, we didn't have an audience for the big rapids. I have no idea what they would have been classified as, but they were pretty awesome. Somehow, we came out the other side upright & intact. I have no idea how. We also managed to beach...at the exit point, no less. Thank you, the applause sign is illuminated, however, don't try this at home. Actually, just don't try it unless you have Sam along. Needless to say, we spent a few minutes in wild celebration. Too bad the rafter dude didn't hang out all day.

Now, I suppose I should be completely honest & say that less then a week later Sam & I canoed the exact same stretch of river, with a normal water level. This time, we didn't have an audience at the bridge, and when we went through & went over the drop, for some reason the front of the canoe dove into the water & we were filled about half full. Of course, that made us very unstable, so we tried our hardest to do the balancing act, but we were soon in the water. We just stayed there & laughed our heads off at the ridiculousness of the situation before we hauled the canoe out & emptied it.
One night, I took Rosie on a night hike. She loves night hikes. She was holding my hand and when we got to the dark part of the woods, I could definitely tell she was freaked out. She told me, "The woods are really freaky!" I asked her why she liked night hikes, she said, "Because they are fun!" I asked if she liked being scared and she replied, "Yeah, it's realllllly adventurous!" You go girl. We also discussed the moon & she asked me about the difference between the "hot dog" moon & the "hamburger" moon. I love the way kids minds work. Then she asked me, "How can people like Nathan spit so far?" I told her that he was bigger, had a more powerful spitting mouth & lots of practice. She proceeded to practice proper spitting for the rest of the hike. Maybe, just maybe she will grow out of it by the time she turns 18. And then again, maybe she will be a champion spitter by then.

2 comments:

  1. There's an old PA Dutch saying : "kissin vears (wears) out, cookin don't". For you young uns out there, I am happy to say that doesn't have to be true. Either skill will make a tolerable marriage. Master them both and ... whooee, shut my mouth! (Sorry - had to borrow a suthern phrase 'cause we dutchy's don't have anything that describes it very well). Your mom had the kissing part down from day one and her cooking ain't bad either. We left the title as Sam revised it in hopes that Sara would pick up the book and maybe by some miracle of osmosis a bit of domestic skill would somehow be absorbed ... now we'll just have to wait and see.

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  2. Hi Sara,

    It was nice to meet you at the ALERT Academy in Sandy Springs. Touring the country by motorbike is also one of my favorite pastimes. Have fun and be safe.

    Regarding your blog, it's a very interesting read. I'd like to see some pictures too. The details of the machine gun toting hobo would also be welcome.

    Let's compare notes. Have a look at my blog at:
    www.falken-farm.blogspot.com

    Karl

    P.S. I really like your PA Dutch accent! :)

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